There are five love languages, or five ways that people feel and accept emotional love. When these actions or behaviors are performed for someone speaking the corresponding language, the result is a feeling of being truly loved. For example, we may love it when it rains, but we also love pizza and our pets.
We love our partners, but we also may love a good joke or our favorite band. These general uses create a washed-out significance for the word, which can distance us from understanding what it really means. When we talk about love in a romantic relationship, we mean love that addresses our emotional selves. These emotional selves are constructed by our early experiences of receiving love or the opposite.
For instance, a child that receives love, companionship, and support from their parents will have a more stable idea of self and love. A child that does not receive adequate love will likely have a confused and desperate need for love and become emotionally unstable.
To ensure full love tanks in our relationships, we must acknowledge that we each bring different experiences and expectations into a relationship. The feeling of being in love usually only lasts up to two years. Outside of the falling-in-love bubble lives responsibilities and basic human behaviors. If we can understand why love changes when the first blush of bliss fades, we can maintain a loving relationship. The intrusion of base realities can quickly drain our energy and admiration of a loved one.
From this diminished place, love has been lost or forgotten. Resentments grow when we feel the love we fell in love with fall by the wayside. A lack of loveor an emotion or action expressing the opposite of lovecan feel like a dagger to our hearts.
This is the best summary of The 5 Love Languages I've ever read. I learned all the main points in just 20 minutes. Instead, if you compliment your partner only as a way to get them to comply to something, you are putting your own needs before theirs.
Your partner may realize your lack of sincerity, and their love tank may begin to drain. When giving a partner with this love language a compliment, be sure it is genuine and done simply to make them feel loved.
When you provide encouragement to someone whose love language is Words of Affirmation, you are bolstering their spirit. You are telling them you believe in them. Your belief helps them feel strong and motivated. Encouragement is the act of inspiring courage. All humans have moments where courage is required. Sometimes, you are not able to find the courage you need. In those moments, you miss out on something you want or that brings goodness into your life. A lack of courage can lead to a lack of prosperity.
These feelings of lost potential put a strain on Simply giving your partner moments of distraction-free attention is enough to make them feel loved. Examples include:. Many couples believe they spend time together, but in reality, they simply happen to be existing separately in close proximity.
Understanding exactly what type of quality time is important to your partner will help you understand how to fill their tank. Like Words of Affirmation, there are varying degrees of quality time. Quality communication means engaging in conversation about things that matter. Everyone has given gifts to their loved ones. For these occasions, you likely had to put some intentional thought into what to get your partner.
People expect to receive gifts on certain days of the year. At these times, the quality of the gift may be the focus. In contrast, gifts given without a particular reason are acknowledged more for the symbolism. A found or handmade gift given for no reason shows your partner you care and think about them often. Pay attention to the little things that make your partner happy. Think about what they enjoy doing and how you might support those endeavors.
You and your partner are the best judges of what types of touches are pleasurable or uncomfortable. Emotional connection through touch can be significant, such as romantic intimacy, or subtle, such as a squeeze of the arm or hand through the hair. To speak this language effectively, becoming an efficient toucher is essential. Figure out the types of touches they like, and develop your skills accordingly. We're the most efficient way to learn the most useful ideas from a book.
Ever feel a book rambles on, giving anecdotes that aren't useful? Often get frustrated by an author who doesn't get to the point? We cut out the fluff, keeping only the most useful examples and ideas. We also re-organize books for clarity, putting the most important principles first, so you can learn faster. Other summaries give you just a highlight of some of the ideas in a book.
We find these too vague to be satisfying. At Shortform, we want to cover every point worth knowing in the book. Learn nuances, key examples, and critical details on how to apply the ideas. You want different levels of detail at different times. That's why every book is summarized in three lengths:. The things you do to show love for your partner indicate a feeling that love is best expressed in those ways. How you show your When both people have full tanks, expressing and sharing love can become reciprocal and enjoyable.
No one is perfect. Mistakes get made. When you want to assuage an argument, acting within their specific language can signal to them your efforts and commitment. If you and your partner are in a rut or spiraling toward the end, changing your behavior to match their love language can begin to fill their tanks and breathe life into your relationship. When they first fell in love, she and Glenn spent hours together talking or enjoying each other. Glenn had a different attitude when they used to be more physically intimate.
He also felt like Ann nagged him all the time. To understand what Glenn really needed, Ann asked him what she could do to be a better wife to him. She took the information he provided and used it to create a plan of action.
I am indebted to a host of professionals who have influenced my concepts of love. The technical expertise of Tricia Kube and Don Schmidt made it possible to meet publication deadlines. Last, and most important, I want to express my gratitude to the hundreds of couples who, over the past thirty years, have shared the intimate side of their lives with me. This book is a tribute to their honesty. In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.
No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other. I told her I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband. Being sincere is not enough. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman PDF.
All the love I thought I had for her and the love she seemed to have for me evaporated. I am a fairly intelligent person. The second time, we were married three years, and the last one, almost six years.
I really thought we loved each other, but the honeymoon was a disaster, and we never recovered. The Five Love Languages. We only dated six months. It was a whirlwind romance. It was really exciting! But after the marriage, it was a battle from the beginning.